I’m not always melodramatic, I generally leave that to others (hey, I’m not naming names!)… however, while sitting on my ass at the online store tonight boxing up international packages, I started to think about the Grey’s that I was currently missing and then I asked myself that question that Addie asked a few episodes ago: If I disappeared, would anyone even notice?  I mean, before I didn’t show up for work one day? Maybe it was being at the online store late at night, but probably not. I’ve been in this funk for awhile now. I’m frustrated. Very frustrated. I know, I know… what do I have to be frustrated about? I have a job that works with my passion (yarn, duh), for the most part I’m healthy, I have a family who loves me… So, why do I feel like this? I mean, it’s not something I can put my finger on. Yeah, part of it is that I realize that I’m underpaid and unappreciated (not totally, at least not by those that I’m close to – at least I hope not) and that I need to stop living my life for other things and start doing things for myself. Part of it is the fact that I have $3 in my wallet and $6 in the bank to last until Monday and I had to borrow money from a friend to get gas. (Not that I had to ask – she made me take it, but I hate borrowing all the same.) Part of it is the fact that I got home 30 minutes ago from work. And part of it is the fact that I’ve had this sharp pain in one side of my neck for over a week now. Maybe I need to talk to a therapist… however, I can’t because I have no insurance again. *sigh* It seems like a never-ending cycle. The Sheeps and the Wools are next weekend and I don’t know if I can actually buy anything – or even if I really want to. At this point, I’m not sure I even want to go. I’ll change my mind next week, I’m sure. (I’ll probably change my mind tomorrow… because that’s how changeable my moods are.)

Hmmm… maybe I’ll go watch the newest patient in the Hollywood Rehab system act in a badly researched show with lots of pretty people… probably not, though. JRM, really, it’s not a great way to meet women. If you need help maintaining your sobriety, come over to my place – I can help distract you! 😉 (Of course, that might mean I’d have to get rid of the beer I’m drinking right now… on second thought, Poker, come on down! Hey, maybe that’s what I need… LOL.)

I didn’t write this to solicit comments telling me that I’m great or anything… I’m just kinda thinking with my fingers on the keyboard. 🙂

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