So, I haven’t heard from Poker in over a week or so. Not that that’s a huge deal, I guess I had just hoped to hear from him when he got back from his folks’ for Thanksgiving. We talked the Sunday before he left and he just sounded busy. Which I understand. He’s working on these big projects for work, so all of his free time is taken up with that. However, whenever I call (and it’s been me calling the last few times), he’s always like, "I meant to call you – I’ve just been so busy." Usually followed by the "I really want to see you, I just don’t know when I’ll get the chance." All I really want from him is to just get a phone call every now and then, just to let me know he’s thinking of me. Of course, my phone saved me from sending him a drunk text on Saturday night – it refused to send it. LOL. Sometimes technology can really be on your side.

None of this really bugged me until I read the most recent Cosmo the other night. There was an article that was titled "How to tell if he really is into you" or some such nonsensical shit like that. What was the thing I focused on? (I’m paraphrasing) "If he’s really into you, he’s going to make time for you. If he keeps telling you that he’s busy and just doesn’t know when he’ll get a chance to make time for you, he’s probably not that interested." (Again, I was paraphrasing… I don’t have the issue with me.) Maybe I just read too much Cosmo. Maybe that’s a magazine I just need to read when I’m blissfully happy or something. I mean, this is a guy that makes me happy – for the most part – and I’m focusing on that? *sigh* Of course, Poker and I left things quite up in the air when I went home… not that I was expecting to come home as his girlfriend or anything, but I at least was hoping to know if we were "dating."

Which leads me to the confusion part… While I didn’t hear from Poker over Thanksgiving, I did hear from B. (Remember him? LA Boy?) He started texting me, telling me all the things I would have loved to hear from him back in… oh, February. He was telling me how special I am and how lucky he is to have me in his life, how much he missed me and that he loved me, and how the distance between us really sucked . (No shit, really?) Blah, blah, blah. So I called him to talk. (I was using up too much of the phone memory with the texting.) It was a good talk. Got some things out in the open. Like how I would have wanted to have heard all of this months ago – and how I didn’t sit around waiting for him to pull his head out of his ass for the last few months.  I told him that I was clear when I left LA how I felt and that he left me with nothing. Which he argued. He thought that he told me exactly what he felt – which, apparently, was that he cared for me and wanted to start something, but didn’t want to take that step b/c of the distance. Ummmmm, I didn’t get that memo. I told him that if he was serious, he’d have to prove all that. Which means, he’d have to call more often than every 4-6 months, and actually talk to me, not just jump to the sex bit, and that he’d have to make more of an effort to see me, if the distance sucks so much. I also told him that I have no intention of not dating others. So we’re having dinner and drinks when he’s out here to visit his family over Christmas. We’ll talk.

The confusion part? Well, I like Poker… very much. However, I have a history with B – and when I’m around him, well, I like him too. (Yes, despite the fact that he was such a shit.) This would be so much easier if at least one of them lived in the freakin’ area. However, there’s this part of me that’s become so cynical since my last relationship (with R) failed. I used to be such a romantic. I used to believe in the happy ending. And he broke that. Which saddens me – b/c I now just can’t let myself get swept away on the happy, giddy feeling of a new… thing. (It’s not a relationship, it’s not dating. What else should I call it?)

I just needed to get this out there. Anyone have advice for me? Not that there’s much to give. LOL.