Ummm… WTF?!?!

REALLY?! Yes, I know I’m a little late on this news, but condoms, lube and sex toys to advertise your douchebaggery and asshattedness? Honestly? ::shudder::

I mean, I know if a guy I wanted to sleep with pulled out one of these during sex, I’d start laughing so hard at him and would get up and leave.

What about Ed Hardy is even remotely sexy or desirable? When I think of the line I immediately think of the douches who live on the Orange Line – the Chads and Trixies – who I wouldn’t want to be sharing space with in a bar, much less closer accommodations. Or worse, that über-douche Jon Gosselin – those pictures of him and that coked out ex-girlfriend of his… again, not even REMOTELY desirable or sexy.

Okay, I think I just made myself a little sick there. Done. Let’s suffice it to say Ed Hardy sex products = not sexy. Not even a little bit. Save your money (because you know that shit’s gonna cost a pretty penny and probably not even have the same success rate) and go with a trusted name. You’ll be happier.

Rhinestones… down *there*??

I don’t know about you, but to me the idea of waxing completely bare down there, then adhering crystals to it seems to be a bit much. For those living under a rock, the procedure is called Vajazzling, a service started at the Completely Bare salon in NYC and is offered at a new salon in the DC area, Strippers Waxing Salon & Boutique. It was brought to the limelight when Jennifer Love Hewitt proclaimed that “every woman should get Vajazzled” on the George Lopez show back in January.

For those interested in the procedure, The Luxury Spot decided to go and have it done while filming it. (The clip that follows is not exactly NSFW, but you might want to exercise caution at work… There are no full on views of the vajayjay, thank God.)

I mean, watching this makes me think of how uncomfortable that could be. I mean, wouldn’t those rhinestones catch on underwear (which could hurt both you and the underwear)? Or scratch your partner during sex in certain positions? And the practicality of it. How long would it last? Of course you’d have to have them done whenever you got a brazilian, however, for $100 a pop (on top of whatever the charge is for the wax, if it’s not included), that gets pretty expensive. They’d have to come off during the regrowth period between waxes… I just couldn’t imagine doing it. Had to write about it though.

So, would you do it? If so, just because or for a special occasion?

How do you get over a relationship?

Just a warning. This entire post is TMI. If you would rather not know this much about my sex life, click away from this now. Just sayin’.

I know, it’s probably not the healthiest thing ever, but I refuse to wallow – again – with the demise of this relationship. I’ve done it before and cried buckets of tears the first time it went all to shit, so this time, I’m using a different form of therapy: rebound sex.

Most people would consider this not the smartest thing to do – especially so soon after breaking everything off, but whatever. I only got to see him maybe once a month – with the exception of lately, as I haven’t seen him since December. A girl has needs – and mine haven’t been met in a while. Hell, I’ve got a couple of guys who would love to be used. Heh. It’s a little heady, having this much “power”, choice, whatever. Luckily, I’ve already slept with them in the past, so I know which one I’m picking for this. LOL.

Luckily, when I sent him a message telling him that I was single and wanted to sleep with him, he instantly knew what I meant and was instantly amenable to the idea. Just sex, no strings. Fucking like a guy, I think Cosmo once called it. (I stopped reading Cosmo years ago when I realized that they were just recycling the same damn ideas to spice up your sex life over and over – and all the good ones I was already doing. Heh.) Honestly, what’s so wrong with that?

So, I know this isn’t the traditional way of getting over a relationship. As a girl, I should be home, weeping on the couch, watching sappy movies, working my way through a couple (of dozen) pints of Ben & Jerry’s, but whatever. I’m going out tonight to hang with some girlfriends, one of my gay boyfriends, and the rest of the hash for drinking, fun, and possibly a hookup with Mr. Being Used. We’ll have to see.

So, how do you get over one? (Probably in a more healthy and constructive way than me, lol.)

Because it makes me giggle

… and there’s precious little that’s working for that right now.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

And because this made me laugh with its truth…

Settling? Nope.

Steve: Tell me, from a girl’s point of view, what do you want in a guy?

Janet: Well, when I first moved out here from Tucson, I wanted a guy with looks, security, caring… Someone with their own place… Someone who said “bless you” or “gesundheit” when I sneezed. Someone who liked the same things as me, but not exactly. And someone who loves me.

Steve: Tall order.

Janet: Yeah, I scaled it down a little.

Steve: What is it now?

Janet: Someone who says “gesundheit,” although I prefer “bless you.” It’s nicer.

Don’t ask me why that scene from Singles has stayed with me for so many years. (If you know the movie, it’s the scene right before Janet goes into the plastic surgeon’s – played by Bill Pullman – office. This movie may have started my Campbell Scott and Bill Pullman love… but I digress.) I mean, it’s been *eighteen* freakin’ years since it came out (and yes, I did see this in the theaters), and this has stuck with me all that time. Over the years I went through phases of understanding with this scene… in my teens and early 20′s, I didn’t understand why Janet would compromise her wants like she was doing. In my late 20′s and early 30′s, I could totally see why she was compromising, even if I knew it wasn’t the best thing for her… and now that I’m entering my mid-30′s, I can see why she was compromising, but I’m all “that’s absolute bullshit. Find someone who appreciates you. Don’t fucking settle.”

I actually started this post back in October last year – I only got as far as the quote, then set it aside. With recent events, it’s still really relevant, to me at least. As I enter the last few months before I turn 35, I realize that there is no need for me to settle. Or think that I need to put up with things – even if my heart says to and I think that I may have met the perfect-for-me-person. Yeah, I’m single again. While I think that he was mostly perfect for me, there are just major things that I can’t and won’t put up with. I’m not going into all of that on here. Maybe I will another day… but that won’t be while the thought of it all still can make me weep. One thing I can be proud of is that I’m much stronger this time than I was last, I gave him a chance to explain himself, he did and I told him that while I loved him, I thought it was crap that he didn’t tell me what I needed to know.

So, yes, while I am definitely hurting, I am not settling. I’d rather be on my own (and can be) than deal with less than I deserve. I’m doing okay with this, but if you see me out or at the shop and I seem a little down or out of it, that’s why. If we’re out, buy me a drink. LOL.

Let me sum up

Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

It’s amazing how I tend to forget about the blog. I keep intending to blog, really I do, but it always seems to be the very last thing on my list of things to do. A valid reason, yes, I mean life is hectic (even just coming back from a vacation), but it’s an excuse nonetheless.

The fast-forwarded version of what’s been going on at Chez Klassy (yes, I decided that moving my blog meant that “She Takes On” was just tired and needed a new name – so, voilá! Klassy with a K it is… but I digress) might still take a while to tell, but tell, I will. I may need to get coffee to try and remember it all, lol.

Coffee procured, we can continue.

When we last met, it was 3 months ago and I was waxing poetic (or not) about honeysuckle. Where to start? It’s been a busy summer with work and with the hash – I’ve done more events this summer than ever. Which has definitely been a change from years past. A nice one. I’ve gotten to watch two of my favorite amateur hockey teams, the Clusterpucks (at Kettler – along with the Red Team, which has a few of my Hockey Boys on it) and the Fairfax Lightning (the Hockey Boys’ main team) do extremely well in their summer leagues – I know the Lightning won theirs, but I was out of town when the Clusterpucks played their game. Anyone know the outcome? (I could just ask on Facebook, but whatev, that actually makes sense and we all know that I am not about that.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know… what most of y’all want to know is the rundown of the Boys of Summer. There haven’t been many, but there might have been a few. Heh.

Boy #1: Running Boy. (He’s also Boy #4, but that’s for later.) A very nice guy in the midst of a bad divorce. He and I get along well (and he’s a good kisser…), but we both have issues with doing anything while he’s still legally married. In May, at the beginning of camping season, I may have drunkenly told him that once things were final, I was claiming him. LOL. Totally my type – yup, that means he’s military. Duh. I mean, I’m just doing my part to support the troops, right?

Boy #2: Camping Boy. This one was a hot mess. It didn’t start out that way, though. He’s a smooth talker. Met him at a camping trip in June and we just clicked. You know that feeling like you’ve known someone your whole life after meeting them for 5 minutes? That’s what it was like. By the end of the night we were finishing each other’s sentences and talking about shows that we loved on NPR. (I may have confessed my desire to have Carl Kasell’s voice on my voicemail. Maybe.) Neither of us meant to hook up, but we did. It was a short, intense relationship that ended a little over a month later when I discovered that he had a big problem: forgetting to tell me he was married. As I mentioned above with Running Boy (RB), I have issues with that. If that’s how you want to live your life and marriage, so be it. Just don’t drag me into it. I would have looked at it as a pleasant mistake that was made if he’d just told me that weekend, but no. Finding out from mutual friends/acquaintances at a barbeque was just wrong. Granted, I know who my friends are and I know that they’ll stick up for me. After the huge blowup – during which he sent me my birthday gift (a not pretty crystal star from Tiffany that I promptly exchanged for something I would like) – we’re on friendly terms. He knows that if he crosses any line again, he’s done.

Boy #3: Bartender Boy. This one was a surprise at the last camping trip of the season. We were doing a Short Bus Trail (aka bar crawl) and we picked him up at the second bar. Apparently, he thought we were so much fun that he and his boss joined us at the third bar. He came back to the camp with us. He’s a youngin’, only 25 years old – and annoying as all fuck while drinking. (As most 25 year olds are. Not all, just most. This could be my wisdom-of-the-ages-almost-mid-thirties ass talking here, but I find it to be true more often than not.) To keep him from annoying the others, I pretended to be interested in what he had to say, then took him back to my tent. (Hey, guys do it all the time, why can’t I?) It’s been awhile since I’ve been 25, and even then I didn’t date 25 year olds, so I’d forgotten about the stamina they have. Bartender Boy (BB) definitely had that and took direction well, except when I said I was done and to go home. His friends came by to say they were leaving and would give him a ride home and BB tells them that he’ll stay. I told him to go, it was fine – it really was, I just wanted to sleep and he was like a kid on too much sugar – but no, he stayed. And was clingy. He tried to convince me to stay in town an extra night – I was like “hell, no! Thanks for the fun, but I’m going home.” I got a lot of shit about him the next day, but that was also because I wasn’t trying to be quiet… Hey, when you have an audience listening outside your tent, you play it up.

Boy #4: Running Boy, again. That just deserves a post of its own. It’s still going on, had a fabulous date while in Denver, spent tons of time together in Winter Park… He’s sweet, makes me laugh, takes care of me while I’m drunk (there was much drinking done in Winter Park), and seemed absolutely delighted when I told him that I was keeping him for a long while. However, the divorce still isn’t final, so nothing more than that yet… But one can hope. He was apologetic when we talked about it and said he hated to ask me to wait, but I said I would. So I will. ::fingers crossed::

And for those who keep track, this one has been around throughout. I gave him the boot while I was with #2, then let him back in after. I’ll be ignoring all texts from him asking for, well, anything. He’s a good friend, but I’m really just done with him. Especially with RB back in the picture.

So, that’s the quick roundup of the guys and the camping and the summer. A more detailed post about my trip to Denver and Winter Park to come. I mean, I should actually work sometime today, right? It’s the first day back and there’s so much to do… More coffee, please!

Reason #9752361569 that I’m going straight to hell

Sex in front of a church. 

To be fair, I didn't go looking for it and didn't really realize that we were in front of a church until we were done. Then I started laughing hysterically. Luckily the guy had a sense of humor about it all and we were making jokes about it: the Southern Baptist/Catholic raised girl having sex with the Jewish guy practically on the front porch of the church (I think it was Methodist). I think the only worse things would be if we were in the parking lot (too bright) or actually in the church (WAY too much guilt built into me for that!). Let's not even go into how much I felt like I was in High School – not a bad thing, I just thought my messing around in a backseat days were over.

My compound overlooking the Lake of Fire in Hell just got a little bigger. Short bus to Hell, anyone? We'll have lots to drink. For the knitters, let's hope they don't make us use Red Heart!

(I'm not gonna do any comparisons to other men I may or may not be messing around with… on the blog, at least… for now.)